The dryer has a broken heating element at the house, so I thought it would be faster to just go to the laundromat. Little did I know this would turn into a very strange day. My stomach wasn’t feeling very good, but I figured it was nothing to worry about. I was probably just hungry. I had forgotten to have breakfast that day. I had a book to read and my phone and everything was fine until suddenly I got sharp pains in my stomach. This awful gurgling noise started and I had to find the bathroom immediately!
Several minutes of extreme gastrointestinal duress later,( I’ll spare you the gory details) I could not find my laundry!! I checked every dryer. My pants and underwear were gone!! Just gone!! Who steals someone’s laundry?? Is some stranger out there walking around wearing my underwear? They were clean, but still! Creepy!!
Sadly, this not the first time my clothes have been stolen. Once, in High School, someone stole my jeans while I was in P.E. I had to walk around in gym shorts for the rest of the day while everyone assumed I had some sort of accident! Why? Just why?
Another time, a friend’s sister came to my house and stole a bunch of my clothes while I wasn’t home! My mom caught her “shopping” in my closet. Why the hell do these people want to steal my clothes? At least prior to this incident, my underwear was safe!
Except for the time a Hotel in California lost my underwear after I sent it out for laundry service. I had to keep describing my underwear to Hotel staff who tried very hard not to laugh for about 3 days before they found and returned it. Every day, a new staff member would say ” Can you describe your lost underwear?” I never want to hear those words again! I never even got reimbursed for having to go buy more! I love shopping but not under these circumstances.
My life is just plain weird sometimes!!
I never use the self checkout, ever. Every-time I do, the thing messes up and I need to press the help button. This holds up and pisses off everyone behind me. The thing yells at me for moving things out of the bagging area!!
My guy, my bff, everyone I know uses it when they don’t have a lot of things. They keep trying to get me to try. Well, today I did. I only had orange juice and apples. So there I am waiting my turn at the self checkout, when a semi-balding middle aged man takes the orange juice right out of my hand and tells me he is going to buy it for me because he thinks I look like Tiffany Trump. He then shows me his phone which is full of pictures of Tiffany Trump, like in a weird stalker-y way. Creepy!! “I really really like her” he says.
So weird Tiffany Trump stalker buys my orange juice.( I hope he didn’t slip a roofie into it.) I proceed to try to read the teeny tiny numbers on my apples, and then he takes a picture of me and says “I really really like you too.” Well, I read those numbers wrong and the thing just isn’t working!! So I can’t walk away. This is so creepy, I’m hoping a friend of mine is playing a trick on me. Nope! He gives me the orange juice that I can’t bear to even think about drinking, and I say thank you and hope he walks away. I’m waiting for the attendant to help me because I have misread the numbers too many times and the thing is all messed up. She is taking her sweet time, and Dude continues to leer at me the entire time.
Finally! Finally! The attendant helps me kind of rolling her eyes at my stupidity and Dude walks away. I swear I will never ever attempt the stupid self checkout again!! They have cashiers who are trained to use these machines. I don’t work there! If I had used a regular line, I would have avoided Creepo, I would have been out of the store sooner, and someone else would have bagged my groceries for me.
By the way, I don’t think I look anything like Tiffany Trump. We’re both blonde, but that’s where the similarities end. Here is a picture, you can judge for yourself…
This is me right after I got home. Looking only like myself.