So it’s day 3! Hooray! I committed to 3 days and I am not cranky or crying at all. Thank goodness because my own emotional roller coaster was wearing me out. My sleep is not any better though. As of now, I have not slept yet. I’m thinking this doesn’t have anything to do with not drinking coffee, and more to do with my weird sleep patterns. I did finish the book that I was reading, ( Betty White autobiography) which is good, but now I need something new to read.
I am my usual self, and I’m in a great mood despite being awake all night. I am drinking my last cup of decaf, ever I hope. It smells like real coffee, but the taste is off and it just doesn’t feel right. Kind of like dating someone who is really nice and great on paper but there is no spark,lackluster and meh. Best luck on your future endeavors decaf!! You’re great and someone out there is going to be lucky to have you, that person isn’t me.
So now that my serious addiction to caffeine is mostly over, I will allow myself 1 cup of coffee in the morning and only 1. You know, just a taste to get me right. Tomorrow I’m heading to Dunkin Doughnuts and using my gift card. I like their coffee a little better than starbucks, I love the way that place smells. It’s like 20 minutes away, but I still have $10.00 on a gift card I received last year.
I’d like to thank everyone who supported me the last 2 days while I had some sort of breakdown. I was hard to be around. I whined a lot!!
What should I read next? Mystery sounds good..
So I just woke up and I have a depressing cup of decaf in front of me. At least it smells real. The taste is off though. I have been crying!! Stupid Forrest Whitaker song by Bad Books plays on repeat in my head and I keep sobbing. I think this is a withdrawal thing…
My hands are still very shaky and I wonder why I thought this was a good idea. It’s coffee, not heroine!! Thank goodness I never tried hard drugs, if this is coffee withdrawl, I can’t imagine getting off something harder. The headache is only a dull annoyance by now.
All my feelings are right on the surface, raw, very real to me and I really hate it. I am not myself, this is a huge understatement!! I don’t even know if I really am this sad or it’s an addiction thing. Why am I even doing this to myself??
I won’t give up though, I made a commitment to myself to get off caffeine and I refuse to back down. I can be very determined to accomplish my goals. I am usually a happy person and I wonder if I just had a stupid cup of coffee would I be happy again? 3 days, I committed to 3 days and then I can have coffee if I want.
My guy thinks this is all very adorable. I’m a weepy mess and he is patronizing me! I have threatened to stab him 5 times! He knows I won’t, I’d miss him. He’s drinking his water and smiling. I cling to my decaf and try to start my day like an actual human being. I’m only kind of understanding my emails, I’ve checked the weather twice because I forgot what it was. I’m kind of spazzy. I can’t focus on anything and everything makes me cry!!! Why is there not a support group for this?