I’ve been “making myself over” for years, and it’s never enough…

addictions, Adventures, dieting, eating disorders, Self esteem

When I was in Jr. High, I had naturally frizzy hair, glasses,and braces. I felt ugly and a few boys in school said I was. What started out as a normal awkward teenage insecurity manifested itself into a full blown obsession by High School. I just didn’t want to be ugly anymore.

First I changed my haircolor, it’s naturally kind of a reddish brown. I colored it dark brown (at 12) and some people said I looked better. Every time someone said something negative about my appearance, I took it as something I had to fix instead of just their opinion. I had zero self esteem! I would look at myself in the mirror and cry everyday. Half way through sixth grade I stopped wearing my glasses, not because I got contacts, but to be “prettier”. I kept changing my hairstyle and trying different products to “fix” my naturally wavy/curly frizzy hair.

In seventh grade, I got my braces off! I started wearing more and more makeup and changing my hair all the time to be “better”. I could not deal with chipped nail polish and one ruined nail would make me inconsolable. I was spending hours every morning straightening my hair and getting my outfit and makeup just right. Then, one day in gym class, a boy called me chubby!

From that day in seventh grade I started dieting. I cut out sugar, carbs, whatever it was I heard worked until finally my Junior year in High school I was eating only 200 calories a day, exercising for at least an hour and often throwing up the little food I did eat. It worked! People started telling me I was pretty all the time! I would spend the next several years trying to maintain that.

Every break-up I would change my hair color again and think that if I was thinner, I wouldn’t have gotten dumped. It’s dumb in hindsight, but that’s how my mind worked.I had a complete meltdown in a dressing room when I was 22 because the smallest size jeans was tight on me. When I say meltdown, I mean I was crying uncontrollably, shaking and sweating for about an hour! And it wasn’t just my weight either,it was my hair, my skin, my freckles which I painstakingly tried to bleach with no avail.

I ended up with severe stomach issues,and arthritis due to all I put my body through. I’ve had burns on my face from too intense skin creams and I had over plucked my eyebrows so bad that they still won’t grow back completely. I’ve damaged my hair a dozen times and tried flat out dangerous methods to lose a few pounds quickly.

I wish I could say that I have completely overcome this and have great self esteem now, but I don’t. I eat more than I used to, but not enough calories to be considered “healthy”. The hair color changing is still a thing, although not as often as I used to.I’m slowly learning to let go of impossible standards and just accept myself the way I am. I’m so much better than I was, but I still have a long way to go…

-Kristin

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How I lost 6 lbs in one week…

addictions, dieting, eating disorders, fitness, goals, mental health, relationships

So for the past couple weeks, we have been moving and for a while did not have a refrigerator or stove, which meant lots of fast food and eating at restaurants. I gained a little weight, my clothes still fit, but I could tell and was not very happy with the way I looked. It may not be healthy but my self esteem is very much tied up in my weight and clothing size!  I once had a meltdown in a dressing room because I needed to go up a size, I’m talking full sobbing! ( I know THE HORROR!)

I have a full time job now and an hour commute,plus we are moving, so I have not been able to workout as much as I would like, but I have been walking as much as possible during the day and lifting heavy boxes into the house, so I’m hoping that counts. Lifting several heavy boxes and helping to move appliances has to burn calories!! Full disclosure, I have struggled with eating disorders off and on since Jr. High. I’m happy and healthy right now, and my guy says I look fantastic and am thin, I however think there is room for improvement…always have, always will….that’s kind of how that sort of thing works..Sweetheart that he is, he will NOT let me skip meals, ever!!

Here is how I lost 6 lbs. in one week without starving or purging… We went grocery shopping once we got a refrigerator and bought fruit, chicken ,steak and vegetables. Everyday for breakfast I had either half a grapefruit or a small amount of cottage cheese. For lunch a small portion of chicken or steak, grilled and some brown rice, Then walked around a store for my whole lunch hour at a fast pace, for dinner, the same chicken or steak , or fish with mushrooms. I also bought Purely Inspired Garcinia Cambogia. You take 3 pills before your 2 biggest meals and it is supposed to help you lose weight faster!

I’ve been taking the Garcinia Cambogia for a week and it helps me feel less hungry and so I am eating better and less! It does not give me a jittery feeling, although I can drink coffee all day long and not get that, so I guess I am not sensitive to caffeine.I got it for less than 10 dollars at walmart, and I think it’s working well!! My jeans are roomy in the waist again and my xs shirts are roomy too! I may be a total mess, but at least I don’t need to buy new, bigger pants! No meltdowns for me!

Any tips or tricks for me? Share!!

-Kristin

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