How I lost 6 lbs in one week…

addictions, dieting, eating disorders, fitness, goals, mental health, relationships

So for the past couple weeks, we have been moving and for a while did not have a refrigerator or stove, which meant lots of fast food and eating at restaurants. I gained a little weight, my clothes still fit, but I could tell and was not very happy with the way I looked. It may not be healthy but my self esteem is very much tied up in my weight and clothing size!  I once had a meltdown in a dressing room because I needed to go up a size, I’m talking full sobbing! ( I know THE HORROR!)

I have a full time job now and an hour commute,plus we are moving, so I have not been able to workout as much as I would like, but I have been walking as much as possible during the day and lifting heavy boxes into the house, so I’m hoping that counts. Lifting several heavy boxes and helping to move appliances has to burn calories!! Full disclosure, I have struggled with eating disorders off and on since Jr. High. I’m happy and healthy right now, and my guy says I look fantastic and am thin, I however think there is room for improvement…always have, always will….that’s kind of how that sort of thing works..Sweetheart that he is, he will NOT let me skip meals, ever!!

Here is how I lost 6 lbs. in one week without starving or purging… We went grocery shopping once we got a refrigerator and bought fruit, chicken ,steak and vegetables. Everyday for breakfast I had either half a grapefruit or a small amount of cottage cheese. For lunch a small portion of chicken or steak, grilled and some brown rice, Then walked around a store for my whole lunch hour at a fast pace, for dinner, the same chicken or steak , or fish with mushrooms. I also bought Purely Inspired Garcinia Cambogia. You take 3 pills before your 2 biggest meals and it is supposed to help you lose weight faster!

I’ve been taking the Garcinia Cambogia for a week and it helps me feel less hungry and so I am eating better and less! It does not give me a jittery feeling, although I can drink coffee all day long and not get that, so I guess I am not sensitive to caffeine.I got it for less than 10 dollars at walmart, and I think it’s working well!! My jeans are roomy in the waist again and my xs shirts are roomy too! I may be a total mess, but at least I don’t need to buy new, bigger pants! No meltdowns for me!

Any tips or tricks for me? Share!!




Anxiety, cold feet or something else…what am I so afraid of?

Adventures, happy, mental health, relationships, sleep

I am a very decisive person. I know what I want the moment I see it and can make choices quickly. I want those shoes, that guy, this house, those dishes,red nail polish, ect. you get the idea.. ( Not all my choices are good,I make bad ones all the time, but I made them quickly) So today I officially move into a new house with my guy. All my stuff in one place, finally! We have “unofficially” been living together for months now. When I moved into the motel, he came over and brought more stuff each time and we just started living together, no weird awkward relationship talks, just felt natural. We have kinda moved our relationship at warp speed since day 1, and none of it ever freaked me out because it all feels very right. We said ” I love you” within weeks, started talking about forever within the first month and I never freaked out, I was never worried. (I did however consult a psychic a few times to make sure, but that’s a story for another post.) For some reason, I have been up all night freaking out and what-ifing and basically being the most neurotic person in the world! Why?

I was full panic mode this morning and my guy said I have cold feet. He’s probably right, but why now?  I’m suddenly terrified of losing my identity!! What if I don’t make friends? What if he decides to leave me? What if I never really feel at home? What if eating something he shot makes me too sad? He is very into hunting and is very excited for me to try deer and squirrel-yes, you read that right, it was not a typo. I agreed to try squirrel meat! Terrified, but keeping an open mind. (I have never ever eaten something that didn’t come from a grocery store or restaurant, never seen hunting in real life) What if I become a completely different person while learning to live in “his world”. What if I am too unorganized, or have too many weird quirks and he hates living with me? What if the sky falls?

Anxiety is a cruel affliction! Moving is stressful. Maybe I just need to take a chill pill and take a nap. Either way, I actually feel a bit calmer now that I have told you guys, or Y’all as my guy would say.

-I will keep you updated. Wish me luck!





Mattifying makeup, drugstore addition

makeup, saving money, Skin care

You know what isn’t sexy? A greasy face. This is a brand new problem for me as I typically have dry skin, but summer in the south is HOT!!  After being outside for a short while, my makeup was melting and my face looked like it was coated in oil, ewww. So in desperation and with limited funds, I headed to Wal-Mart to buy something to fix my problem asap.

I bought Milani Prime Shield, a mattifying primer. I use this just on the T-zone of my face before foundation. It makes my pores disappear and my foundation go on smoothly and stay matte.

I bought L’OREAL Infalliable Pro Matte foundation. I usually don’t like foundation, but this one I like.( I’m more of a tinted moisturizer or BB cream girl) It stays on, doesn’t feel heavy and has a nice coverage. I’m obsessed!

I bought Rimmel Stay Matte powder. I use this only on the T-zone to set my foundation or for occasional touch ups. Under $5.00 and looks natural so I’m a fan.

I put all my makeup on as usual, and then finish up with Zuri Flawless Makeup Setting Spray Matte Finish. It sets my makeup and keeps it shine free!

Since I have been using these new products, my face stays looking good, not greasy and gross! I bought it all at Wal-Mart for under $10.00/product. I’m a huge fan!!

If you’re looking for mattifying products on the cheap, I recommend these!



The art of hangover beauty

Adventures, makeup, relationships, Skin care

So last night, my guy and I went out. We had both had a bad day and we did shots!! We shared a steak, like we always do, because the poor man never gets to eat all of his own food!( actually, we always just order 1 meal to share) This really pisses off the bartender who hates my guts, but that’s her problem, not mine. We drank and talked to people and drank some more. Needless to say, it got interesting!!  By 9;30, yes all that by 9:30,we were on our way home. I had to drive because he had enough drinks to render him unable to stand up! This says a lot because he’s a big, tough dude and has a bit of a tolerance.

He passed out, and I got lost. I stopped at 2 gas stations to ask for directions relying on the kindness of strangers which eventually got me pointed in the right direction and eventually took his phone to use his gps. I had left my phone at home. Two hours later, I found home. When we got home, he could not walk nearly face planted onto the pavement, so I dragged a 6 foot 8 biker on my back like an ant up 3 flights of stairs. Does that count as weight training? I think so. ( I’m 5 foot 4 by the way)

So, if you’re going to party like it’s 1999 ( RIP Prince) with sexy bikers,you need to wash your hair the next day because it and you probably smell like something.  I make sure to exfoliate my face and entire body before using body wash and then wash and condition my hair.This is crucial…moisturize!!Dehydration makes you look old, no bueno. So I use a thick rich face cream and body lotion or body oil.

When you are hungover, foundation and powder are not your friend, so instead I use a BB cream, I like Dr.Jart+ beauty balm with spf 45. It covers just enough to even my skin tone and then I use a little concealer where needed, some blush to warm up my sallow complexion, some eye shadow and red lipstick that’s it! Less is more.

I look and smell like it never happened…now if I could just get rid of this headache.

Do you have any hangover beauty tips? Share!




I went camping and slept outside, and that doesn’t sound like me at all

Skin care

On the fourth of July, I went camping. It wasn’t the plan, we were just going to go to the lake, but they gave us a campsite, so we swam in the lake all day and slept under the stars and much to the surprise of anyone who knows me well, I loved it!!

I never thought I would like camping! I went once before, and there were NO BATHROOMS and no toilet paper!! I’m not accustomed to peeing outside, so I accidentally peed right into my pants! I guess I didn’t lean back far enough. I had to go back to where everyone was with pee on my pants and all over my feet! There was no way I was going to try to poop in the woods!! Needless to say, it was not my favorite weekend.

This time it was different. We had only planned to go to the lake for the day, so we didn’t pack for overnight. They gave us a campsite though, it had a grill and there were bathrooms with running water ( I could even wash my hands) We were having such a good time, we decided to stay the night. With no toothbrush, change of clothes or hair products I agreed. I usually won’t go anywhere overnight without my toothbrush and night cream, serum, eye cream and a change of clothes. Luckily, my guy thought my frizzy after lake hair was adorable!

We went to the store and bought steaks to grill but forgot silverware so we ate the steak with our hands like cavemen!! I cut pizza with a fork, so this was way out of character for me!! It wasn’t so bad though, it was funny. We could not stop laughing at each other. Then we watched the sunset and fell asleep under the stars. It’s one of the best memories I have so far.

I’ve been trying all kinds of new things lately, and so far I’ve found that I like all kinds of things I never thought I would. I have tried to ride a mechanical bull, tried and failed to country line dance, tried oysters and alligator (not together cuz that would be gross!) learned to drive a 4 wheeler and pet a cow!!

Who knows what’s next, but it won’t be dull!


Today a homeless person felt sorry for me and I inadvertently almost took a job doing foot porn…

Adventures, goals, mental health, relationships

So I have been looking for a job for a bit now. Today I had an interview that was over an hour south into the city. I never made it to my interview though because my gps died on the way!! I’m a little scared to drive on the tollway as it is, so when I ended up in a bad part of town and my gps was dead, I pulled into a parking lot to try to get my bearings. Twenty minutes later, I missed my interview, had no data on my phone and the meltdown happened! ( anxiety is a cruel affliction)

I called my ex and asked for help and all seemed well, then it all went away again. Called my guy and he suggested asking people for help, since I had no idea where I was. I got out of my car, sobbing and shaking and walking down the street past homeless people in my best interview outfit, a Michael Kors purse and 4 inch heels! Great! Now I can’t even run away if I need to. The anxiety increases as does the sobbing. A very nice old homeless lady asked me what was wrong and I explained that I was lost, scared and missed my interview! She gave me a hug and told me people are basically good, and even though she can’t help me figure out how to get home, someone will! She smelled like cat pee and felt sorry for me!! I gave her all the cash in my wallet and continued sobbing down the street.

A few gas stations later, and I made it home safely and let everyone know I was home and safe! I am very grateful for the kindness of strangers! I got back on the job search. A few hours later, I get on craigslist and a posting reads,” Are you good with the written word? Looking for flexible hours? Call this number.” and so I call. I’m thinking it might be a writing job, and I like to write. ( Duh) Well, the guy talks to me on the phone for a while and then casually asks me my shoe size, I tell him and then he asks me if my toenails are painted, I’m getting a bit weirded out here, but my dumb ass stays on the phone! Turns out, he wants to pay me $100.00 for a picture of my feet!! I’m not kidding!! I actually consider this for about half a second and then hang up!!

I manage not to start drinking yet, somehow, and continue sending off resume’s for anything I am qualified for. Fingers crossed I can find something a bit closer to home that isn’t illegal or creepy in any way!!

On that note, I am opening a beer ( wishing it was an umbrella drink) and hoping tomorrow is an uneventful day!! Wish me luck!!





Beauty Products for Macho Men…

Adventures, food allergies, happy, relationships, Skin care

So my guy works on cars for a living. He comes home covered in grease and motor oil and has to really really scrub to get it off! I’m taking, filthy!! I bought him an exfoliating body wash to help him out. Macho man that he is, he was just plain confused by this…in the cute-est way!

Yesterday was very exciting, my guy decided to cook his favorite meal for me! Because I can’t have gluten, I have never had chicken fried steak. The horror!( I’m such a pain to feed) He came home very very excited to cook for me, and I was excited too. I’m very lucky that he loves to cook. He was covered in more dirt than usual and wanted to take a bath first. His hands were completely black with car dirt! I put some bubble bath in the tub for him and gave him the exfoliating body wash. I even added a bath bomb! Well, he isn’t used to bubble bath! “Babe, I feel all slippery!” he says from the bathtub. “Is this baby oil?, why am I so slippery?” he asks. He is sliding around like a little kid. I started laughing and told him it was moisturizing bubble bath. ” This stuff is all gritty, is there salt in it?” he said about the body wash… He was so adorable describing all the new stuff I put in the tub for him! He sees all my beauty products in the bathroom, but isn’t sure what they do…

We laughed for a good long time!! He had to take a picture of these products and send them to a friend from work. They worked well though. Then once he was all clean, he started cooking.

He made me chicken fried steak and homemade french fries!! He was having the best time and we were talking and laughing the whole time he cooked! We are always laughing together! He did a great job! It was fantastic.  I’m obsessed now! He really is a fantastic cook! He was so very proud. The smile on his face was so cute! He was lit up like a Christmas tree!! Now that I am not being stupid and pushing him away, we are always having a great time together. Once he was done eating, he smiled really big, laid down saying he was so full and fell asleep!!

Now I just need to find a product to help me with beard burn!




I’m not sure what a healthy relationship looks like, but there’s a laundry hack for that…..

Adventures, cleaning, goals, mental health, relationships

I am in a new relationship and he says I keep trying to push him away. When we first met, I told him all the reasons he should not want to be with me. I told him I was super crazy, don’t know what I want, am overly dramatic,get mad when things are not the way I want them, am embarrassingly bad at math, am a hopeless romantic, am a terrible singer, all the bad things I have ever done, every story that is unflattering to me and basically that I suck as a person! He was not deterred. He said to stop trying to talk him out of it! He said “I love you” and I said thank you the first 3 times!! I even went to the mental hospital weeks into our relationship and still he stuck around!!

So here he is, a fully functional adult who writes me poems, sings love songs to me in the car,is not commitment phobic, when I apologize for starting a fight, he says it takes two to fight and it’s not my fault! He shares his food with me and always lets me eat all of his fries. The poor man has not had all of his french fries since the day we met!! He calls me several times a day just to say he loves me, and cooks for me. So what do I do? I get scared he’s going to leave me and it’s going to hurt bad, so I try to push him away and speed up the process by being completely unreasonable!!

Why would I do this? Because I have no idea what a healthy relationship is!! I’ve never seen one. They don’t make tv shows and movies about perfectly healthy functional relationships, that would be boring to watch!(duh) The relationships I have seen in real life have either ended or are not exactly healthy, with the exception of one couple, but that is the exception, not the rule!! If everything can be that good, then eventually I might feel twice as bad when it’s over!! Why am I obsessed with idea of protecting myself from the misery of when it’s over? Because anyone that wonderful could not possibly not leave me. Yeah, I’m a messed up chick! I have all kinds of sappy love song kind of feelings and it’s almost like I could really live happily ever after!! That scares me more than clowns!!

But what about the laundry, you ask? Well, he gets grease and all kinds of dirt that won’t come out on his work clothes. I do his laundry because he hates doing laundry and I don’t mind it. I’m not the absolute worst girlfriend ever!! I do have, some redeeming qualities. Anyhow, If you wash them like any other laundry, the stains don’t come out and they still smell like motor oil. So, after much trial and error, here is the formula to get them to at least smell clean..

1cup  oxy clean

1 cup Gain laundry detergent

1 Tide pod

Gain fabric softener

Wash with this formula twice and while they are still stained, they smell clean!

I’m working on learning how to be in a healthy relationship, and in time, I hope to know what that means..



The Blonde, the bug and the Washeteria…

Adventures, relationships

So yesterday I found myself in an unairconditoned laundromat which they call a Washeteria in this southern state I have moved to. It was about a thousand degrees and I was sweating bullets while washing my clothes and my man-friends clothes!! My hands are turning black from the quarters, money is filthy people!! So I go to the washroom and it has no soap!! The horror!! I did however have wet wipes in my car, so blackened hand crisis averted.

So I’m sitting there, sweating like a pig and reading a book just waiting to put our clothes in the dryer. I’m in a really good mood despite the fact that I am super gross, and I am planning out what to cook for dinner to impress man-friend, which is tough cuz I live in a motel and don’t have an oven!! As you can see, this requires thought..

So the clothes are finally ready to be moved to the dryer, and right in front of the washer is the biggest bug I have ever seen!! This thing must be on steroids!! It’s staring me down and practically daring me to get the clothes!! I’m way too sweaty to wait extra time to move the clothes, and way too scared of this thing to move/kill it. I open,the washer and do a weird swat like thing and pull out each item individually so it doesn’t fall on or anywhere near the bug, making sure not to look away from the bug so it doesn’t crawl on or towards me.

This man just sits and watches me do this ridiculous stuff for what feels like forever! I’d rather look stupid than come near the giant demon bug!! When I’m almost done, he comes over and steps on the bug and then takes a kleenex out of his pocket and removes it for me. I thank him profusely, wish he had done it sooner though..I guess I was just too weird to not watch for a while…

And just because I know you are wondering, I made spaghetti. Man friend said he was very impressed, probably because he laughed at me when I told him about the bug!

By the way, I’m afraid of bugs..



The case for not googling someone…

Adventures, relationships

I recently made a new friend. I’m relatively new to the state I currently live in, so making friends has been tough for me. I was super excited!! Then, he told me he researched me online. He knew the last name I had from my first marriage and the address of my childhood home, family members names, ect. I feel like he violated my privacy!! I have had problems with stalkers in the past, and I keep my online presence small and never reveal my location! I know everyone searches new friends or love interests online, but I think it’s a bad idea, hear me out…

So I have had friends who like a guy and painstakingly go through his facebook profile and instagram, ect. They spend hours searching and searching driving themselves crazy in the process, but it might be easier to just ask the questions they want answers to! That picture tells you nothing without context. Is that pretty girl in the picture with him an ex girlfriend or his sister? You could spend hours agonizing over that, or not look through that stuff at all and listen to what he says…

If you have kids and want to make sure your new love interest isn’t a registered sex offender, that makes sense! But stop there! His facebook post from 2012 isn’t going to give you any valuable information! By looking me up, you may know that I have been married twice, and got married way too young the first time, but you won’t know why. Isn’t the why the most important thing? You can find out my relatives names, but not how I feel about them, or know who makes the best cookies and what our holiday traditions are.

Searching me online won’t tell you that I’m a terrible singer but I love to sing and do it anyway,It won’t tell you I can really draw. It won’t tell you my hopes and dreams, that I’m funny,that I love the smell of vanilla or that I change my haircolor when I’m sad… Aren’t these type of things what a friendship is based on? I would much rather learn your stories from you, in your own words than drive myself nuts searching through your social media posts and imagining what the story might be! This is why, in my opinion, we should stop online stalking people! It doesn’t really tell you the important things anyway.

I will get off my soapbox now…