I am in a new relationship and he says I keep trying to push him away. When we first met, I told him all the reasons he should not want to be with me. I told him I was super crazy, don’t know what I want, am overly dramatic,get mad when things are not the way I want them, am embarrassingly bad at math, am a hopeless romantic, am a terrible singer, all the bad things I have ever done, every story that is unflattering to me and basically that I suck as a person! He was not deterred. He said to stop trying to talk him out of it! He said “I love you” and I said thank you the first 3 times!! I even went to the mental hospital weeks into our relationship and still he stuck around!!
So here he is, a fully functional adult who writes me poems, sings love songs to me in the car,is not commitment phobic, when I apologize for starting a fight, he says it takes two to fight and it’s not my fault! He shares his food with me and always lets me eat all of his fries. The poor man has not had all of his french fries since the day we met!! He calls me several times a day just to say he loves me, and cooks for me. So what do I do? I get scared he’s going to leave me and it’s going to hurt bad, so I try to push him away and speed up the process by being completely unreasonable!!
Why would I do this? Because I have no idea what a healthy relationship is!! I’ve never seen one. They don’t make tv shows and movies about perfectly healthy functional relationships, that would be boring to watch!(duh) The relationships I have seen in real life have either ended or are not exactly healthy, with the exception of one couple, but that is the exception, not the rule!! If everything can be that good, then eventually I might feel twice as bad when it’s over!! Why am I obsessed with idea of protecting myself from the misery of when it’s over? Because anyone that wonderful could not possibly not leave me. Yeah, I’m a messed up chick! I have all kinds of sappy love song kind of feelings and it’s almost like I could really live happily ever after!! That scares me more than clowns!!
But what about the laundry, you ask? Well, he gets grease and all kinds of dirt that won’t come out on his work clothes. I do his laundry because he hates doing laundry and I don’t mind it. I’m not the absolute worst girlfriend ever!! I do have, some redeeming qualities. Anyhow, If you wash them like any other laundry, the stains don’t come out and they still smell like motor oil. So, after much trial and error, here is the formula to get them to at least smell clean..
1cup oxy clean
1 cup Gain laundry detergent
1 Tide pod
Gain fabric softener
Wash with this formula twice and while they are still stained, they smell clean!
I’m working on learning how to be in a healthy relationship, and in time, I hope to know what that means..