Insomnia diaries.. volume 1

relationships, sleep, songs

So lately, I have not been sleeping much. My mind is full of thoughts and songs and I can’t turn it off!!! I took a sleeping pill at 9pm, might as well have just had a glass of water. I have been this way my whole life. I just have to think the whole thing through, listen to the song over and over to get it out of my head and next thing I know, it’s 3 am and my day is shot! Stay awake or sleep all day?? That is the question…Here is the random crap that keeps me awake….

I had a long conversation with a friend today ( yesterday technically, since it is after midnight) and she is a lucky unicorn who has never had her heart broken. How lucky she is!! How jealous am I ? I was explaining the feeling of having your guts ripped out and run over by a train. She has no idea, none! She has never sang Sinead O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares to you” three months later at a bar while crying into a mai tai. I am probably the only person who would do that.. I can’t talk about my feelings very well and that is why I always have a playlist. I had to tell her what songs go with what soul crushing moment in my life! At least we laughed. I can be very dramatic! Is it just me? Am I stupid or brave for going all in like I do?  Realization-guys I date are always mean to me. Aha moment!!

Not related to that,but keeping me awake is that I have no idea what happened to the 401K’s I had at old jobs!! There should be 3 and I always put the maximum amount in. I have long forgotten the passwords and when I am retirement age I will have completely forgotten about them!! I don’t imagine 70 year old me will remember where I worked in 2002!! I imagine by then I will be some sort of eccentric recluse with no idea how to get my money back!! Will I have to eat cat food??

I had a very disappointing horoscope. I  know, I know most people would not care about this, but cut me some slack, I wanted insight into why I am not sleeping. It said,and I quote “You will suffer a great deal until venus comes out of retrograde on the 15th.” I have 9 days to suffer!! Suffer why? Not sleeping, or something awful is about to happen to me!! What happens on the 15th? So I checked like 5 different horoscope websites and they all seem to agree, suffer I will!! Well, I get really into this kind of thing when I am upset, so onto online tarot card readings I went! It’s a slippery slope after all. After a few hours of this, yes hours, It is unclear what is going to happen, but it won’t be good. Am I cursed?? Horoscopes and webmd are the same in the sense that you can lose mass amounts of time over analyzing everything until you are convinced you are dying!!

I do believe that lack of sleep is not helping at all. What keeps you up at night? Do you have any remedies for sleep? Let me know!!




2 thoughts on “Insomnia diaries.. volume 1

  1. Sorry you are having a hard time sleeping. If you get a chance to choose between staying up or going to sleep, choose sleep.

    You have people that depend on you being YOU. If your not yourself then you might need a change of scenery and get some excitement to ware yourself out. Maybe a vacation?

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