Meeting my Biological Mom

Adventures, relationships, Self esteem

I was in my twenties when I finally met my Biological mom. I found out I was adopted when I was 3. I had wondered about her almost my whole life!! Who was she? Where was she? Why did she give me up? The only thing the mom who raised me ever told me was that my father was in a band. Tiny me, at the tender age of 5 got a subscription to Rolling Stone magazine and the rest is kind of history.  I imagined either Steven Tyler or Mick Jagger was my father because I am pale, skinny and have big lips. I asked the mom who raised me if she gave me a name, because to me, at the tender age of 7, if she named me then she cared about me a little bit. I was told no, ” She just wanted to get rid of you and forget you ever existed”. This was a lie! She named me Elizabeth after her mother. She even wrote me a letter, that I have never seen…

I met her for the first time in an olive garden parking lot. She was so nervous!! I was so nervous I almost threw up! We talked for hours and didn’t even eat our food when it came. We have the very same hands, the same size feet and we walk the same!!  We both love leopard print clothes and very high heels, glitter and obscure bands.It felt like I had always known her. It was the very best way a story like this could go. There is no protocol for this kind of thing after all. She wanted to meet me and be in my life!! I was so happy! She and she alone got me, the real me! For better or worse, she has never stopped loving me. She is the mom I needed, the mom I should have had, my mom, my real mom.,

We have stayed in touch ever since and grown very close.I call her mama, or mommy when I really need her. She is by far the strongest woman I have ever met!! Since we met when I was already grown, we are friends. We can tell each other anything! But she is still my mom. She hated my nose ring, I took it out! We have 2 matching tattoos though. I have seen her heart break, she held her head high, put on great heels and strutted her stuff like it never mattered to her. She laughed and smiled and danced. I do the same thing, heels and all when my heart is broken. I get that from her. But she does it so much better! I have sad eyes that I can’t figure out how to conceal, not yet. The heels, the fashion sense, the tough exterior. If I grow up to be half the woman she is, I will consider myself blessed!

I saw a picture of her when she was pregnant with me, that was my face!! She kept an ultrasound picture of me right before I was born and let me have it. I was loved after all. We don’t look exactly alike, she has great cheekbones, I have bigger, sadder eyes, my hair is curly and crazy, hers is straight and shiny. I am a little taller, she has a great rack, that even the world’s best push up bra won’t give me. lol. We can share clothes and shoes and makeup. She is fiercely protective of those she loves, me included. I am as well.  But she is stronger, tougher, she loves fiercely and is independent. She has a huge heart and the strength to protect it. She does not fall apart when guys are mean to her. She fights for herself and others.

While she did not raise me, nature has made us very similar. She is an amazing mom to me and an amazing friend!! She stayed up til 3 am with me when my heart was so broken that I couldn’t imagine that I would ever stop crying. She was there for me, was strong when I couldn’t be, and gave me a safe place to land. The next day, she let me borrow amazing shoes and made sure I got green olives in my drinks at the bar. ( I love green olives in any drink, any, if it goes or not.) She accepts and loves me for exactly who I am! I am quite a strange girl, so this is huge!!!

I read my horoscope every day! It’s how I make sense of  the world. Fortune cookies are little life guides. When i am vegetarian or on a juice cleanse, she supports it even though she is a meat eater.  Her life has not been easy, but she has wisdom and kindness and strength.She told me ” Life and love will never be easy for us” and I know she is right. If I can have her grace and strength I know I can be as independent and amazing as she is someday. ” Don’t let guys be mean to you” is the best thing she ever said to me!! It’s okay to be alone. There is a quiet dignity to that.

The hopeless romantic in me really wants her to find her true love. The strong woman she is, is okay if that doesn’t happen. If I can stop being Gatsby romantic and be strong like her I will be lucky. If not, she will be there cheering me on and wishing the best for me. I am so lucky to have my mommy, even if it is unusual.  She is everything I hope to be someday and while I hope and hope her true love will find her, she doesn’t need that to happen. I read her horoscope everyday anyway. I believe enough for the both of us. She really deserves it, and I know he is out there. I get that unwavering faith in people from her! All my good qualities I get from her. I have the very best mama ever!! She has never read anything I have written, yet she believes I am a good writer because she believes I am talented, without any proof to back it up! In her mind, I will not fail at my dreams. If ever she has the chance, I want her to read this.

Tell your mom you love her!!

Kristin

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