So I just woke up and I have a depressing cup of decaf in front of me. At least it smells real. The taste is off though. I have been crying!! Stupid Forrest Whitaker song by Bad Books plays on repeat in my head and I keep sobbing. I think this is a withdrawal thing…
My hands are still very shaky and I wonder why I thought this was a good idea. It’s coffee, not heroine!! Thank goodness I never tried hard drugs, if this is coffee withdrawl, I can’t imagine getting off something harder. The headache is only a dull annoyance by now.
All my feelings are right on the surface, raw, very real to me and I really hate it. I am not myself, this is a huge understatement!! I don’t even know if I really am this sad or it’s an addiction thing. Why am I even doing this to myself??
I won’t give up though, I made a commitment to myself to get off caffeine and I refuse to back down. I can be very determined to accomplish my goals. I am usually a happy person and I wonder if I just had a stupid cup of coffee would I be happy again? 3 days, I committed to 3 days and then I can have coffee if I want.
My guy thinks this is all very adorable. I’m a weepy mess and he is patronizing me! I have threatened to stab him 5 times! He knows I won’t, I’d miss him. He’s drinking his water and smiling. I cling to my decaf and try to start my day like an actual human being. I’m only kind of understanding my emails, I’ve checked the weather twice because I forgot what it was. I’m kind of spazzy. I can’t focus on anything and everything makes me cry!!! Why is there not a support group for this?