What I’ve learned being in a relationship for over 10 years

Adventures, relationships

In the beginning of any relationship, everyone is on their best behavior. It takes time to really really know someone. After being together for many years, some people grow complacent.Here are the few things I’ve learned for staying happy year after year.

1.You will see each other at your worst. When my guy and I had been dating for 3 weeks, I got the flu, bad. I told him not to come over because I was the gross kind of sick and he came over anyway. I had a garbage can next to me because I could not make it to the bathroom to throw up, I was that violently ill. He showed up anyway, and I simultaneously threw up and shit my pants 2 seconds after he walked in the door. I was sure it was over!! He brought me clean clothes, put me to bed and cleaned up after me. When I woke up around noon the next day, he was still there.

Since then, we have both been sick with the flu, food poisoning, and all kinds of icky things. It happens and it’s not a big deal.If someone loves you, they won’t love you less for throwing up.

2. It really is the little things that matter.We know each other’s favorite pizza toppings, ice cream flavors, coffee preferences, fast food choices and put this knowledge to use. When he is working a really long day, I will surprise him with lunch. He brings me coffee if I didn’t sleep well. He buys me books he’s read and thinks I would like. I make his favorite foods for dinner. These little things let me know he is there for me and vice versa.

3. It’s important to have your own hobbies and interests. We both work from home. It would be easy to have nothing to talk about. We forward each other funny articles. I tell him about the book I’m reading or the new workout I tried. Where I went with a friend or what I read in the news. He tells me how his run went, new recipes he wants to try, or what he’s reading now. We watch certain shows together, and certain ones apart.I’ll make him a playlist for business trips. He downloads movies he thinks I would like. We always stay up late talking and laughing.

4. You will fight. No two people agree on everything. My guy and I hate all the same things, but like very different things. He is kind of shy, while I am very social. We disagree on politics. We have different taste in music. He can be very conservative while I am very free spirited. We both hate onions,jello with fruit in it, Pearl Jam, Hootie and the Blowfish, Nickleback, sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top, black licorice and black olives.There have been disagreements and there have been huge fights. There have been hurt feelings and bruised egos. We always make up. Know when to say you’re sorry.

5.Listen, really listen. Some people come out and say what’s bothering them, others are more subtle. If you really listen to what your significant other is saying, or trying to say, you will know exactly how they are feeling. “Work is so stressful” might mean they need a little help with stuff around the house because they feel overwhelmed.Asking “How can I help” can be the best thing. Maybe they just want to vent, maybe they need something else, if you ask, you might be surprised.Respect their feelings and listen to what they are really saying.

6. You don’t need to be perfect, but make an effort. Smell good and have good hygiene.You can be comfortable and still wear things that are flattering. I don’t wear makeup everyday, but I do something with my hair, wear clean clothes and brush my teeth.We both workout and try to eat healthy most of the time.When you feel good about yourself, you look good too. So many people “let themselves go” and usually it’s complaints about basic hygiene not weight that hurts relationships. Get off the couch and go do something, anything.

7.Everyone has annoying quirks. Spend every day with anyone and you will find a habit that gets on your nerves. You also have weird habits that irritate people who share your space. Is it a deal breaker? If not, learn to live with it or work to change it. For example, my guy has a habit of leaving his used gum or used dental floss on the kitchen counter or coffee table. I used to get mad,  how disgusting!! Now I just nicely ask him to remove it and clean it. He has no problem doing that. He leaves his socks in the couch, I just pick them up and put them in the laundry basket. I listen to music really loud, for the first year, he never said anything!! I don’t mind turning it down. I also forget to lock the door when I leave. He got new automatic locks on the doors. You can work around these annoying habits somehow.

We are all flawed people, but when you find your other half, you can keep the love alive!!

I hope this was helpful in some way. Share your relationship tips with me!!

 

Kristin

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2 thoughts on “What I’ve learned being in a relationship for over 10 years

  1. I myself have been in a single relationship for over 10 years too.

    Some people say that opposites attract. However, you need to have similarities first. Then the little things (or quirks) that someone in the partnership finds gross or disgusting can be negotiated to work for both people.

    I have an issue when it comes to the garbage can being overfilled. When my guy has a guys weekend there are fast food containers, all kinds of alcohol bottles and cans, and different kinds of wrappers that fill up the garbage can. This continues to fill and eventually the trash makes it way to the counter were it will sit there until the weekend is over. I hate having garbage on my counters especially when there is a garbage can right next to it and it doesn’t take long to change out the bag and put a new one in its place.

    I have learned that this is something I hate. However I don’t want to ruin someone else’s good time with my bad attitude. So I will calmly do it. My work didn’t go unnoticed, everyone saw that the can was empty and a new bag was in its place. I was asked why are you taking out OUR garbage, I told them I don’t like the garbage on the counter and I made it so it wasn’t on there anymore.

    After I told them this, I see less of this when they have their guy weekends.

    At least there is an effort, I can’t say it’s perfect but their efforts show.

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